Seriously infected computer, firmware, linux, and a bunch of questions.

Yet again... My computer has become very infected with low key malware. I haven't seen any postive scan results saying that there is malware, and there are none of the /typical/ signs of a malware infection... Yet there clearly is. This always happens no matter how many precautions I take. I am convinced that early on, my firmware may have been infected. I once had a computer that had some pretty deep rootkits, and it's obviously spreading itself. There are more reasons why I believe that it's in the Firmware, and why I believe that there actually is an infection present. First of all... I am getting driver issues galore. The computer doesn't seen to be able to update the drivers either. If I troubleshoot a device that is misbehaving, it tells me that there is an issue with the drivers, it then attempts to fix it and craps out and can't install it. Plugging in a device, when it goes to automatically install the driver, sometimes it will "eject" the device after it has begun installing the driver and then I can't get it to attempt it again. Trying to update the driver through the control panel tells me the driver is up to date, but that is not the case... Because troubleshooting the device, it tells me that the driver is either broken or plainly not installed.

Incident number two which suggests firmware malware... Is after having not used my desktop PC for a while, I started it up, it beeped 5 times, and then the fan started speeding up massively and it just wouldn't stop until it sounded like it was going to explode. Taking the RAM out and putting it back in again did fix it though after a couple of tries.

And then there are more signs of a malware infection... First of all, both my laptop and PC are going WAY slower than they should. Looking at the task manager reveals abnormal usage by windows services. I installed security task manager and examined the running tasks more closely... I identified that one of the offending targets appeared to be postgreSQL (which I don't remember installing) but upon further inspection, I found that it is NOT located in the typical installation folder. Instead of being in program files, it is located in C:/postgreSQL/bin... scanning it with bitdefender, of course, showed that the file was not infected...

I have no idea exactly how deeply my laptop and PC are infected. It is clear that this is no ordinary malware infection. I really need to know how I can just completely nuke everything that has even a slight potential to be a virus or malware, in the hard drive.. system files... the BIOS and firmware and while I'm at it the modem and the wifi! I will not have this infection back again! Oh, and I would need to find a way to completely repair the registry back to a perfectly functioning and undamaged state. As well as critical system files. But all that will only be temporary once I can get the BIOS, firmware and network so healthy that I can just give up on windows and install linux...

Which brings me to my next question...

It seems there are very few linux solutions out there for Bitdefender. It would be a shame to let me expensive subscription go to waste... The only tool I have found seems to be seriously outdated, replaced by Bitdefender for businesses... And I do not (yet) have a business...

But perhaps there is something I overlooked. I'd like to know how I can get a squeaky clean Ubuntu install on my laptop and PC, with access to the best tools for protection from future threats, find a way to make use of my bitdefender subscription, and have a SAFE way to run Windows and iOS programs that I really quite need on linux.

Please help me out here. What can I do to get an infection out of the BIOS and firmware? How do I prevent future infection on Linux? How do I stop the infection from returning when I access files I can't lose? What Bitdefender options are there for Linux? I really need some help here!

EDIT: Additional information:

I forgot to mention a really nasty way this malware has really put me in a hole, is it has ACTUALLY INTERFERED WITH BITDEFENDER BEFORE. At once point, bitdefender shut off on me. Completely. It was not running at all. Upon opening Bitdefender, it told me that my subscription had expired, and I was not protected. Yet I have about 300 days left on my subscription. So whatever this malware is, it is able to mess with Bitdefender completely un-noticed, which is extremely alarming.

I am under the impression it is capable of travelling through a network and infecting routers as well... Probably getting into its firmware. Because I have had a laptop infected by this when I was extremely careful not to let any storage device that has come into contact with previously infected PC at all. I was very careful. Still got nailed.

I would really like to, if possible, change my subscription over to business solutions, which is roughly the same value as my current total security subscription... I do not own a business YET but I do plan on it. I would like to have my business up and running before the end of the year. So I would really like business solutions to ensure I am never infected with any virus or malware ever again ever.